So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
