I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
