Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
