Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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