OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
