My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
