Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
