No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
