just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
