Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
