I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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