I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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