It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
