And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
