atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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