Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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