I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
