you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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