I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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