there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
