the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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