We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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