You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
