Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
