And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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