I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
