I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
