girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
