if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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