Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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