so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
