I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He passed out mid-signature
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
