So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
