I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
