if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
