So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
