He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she smelled like a LAN party
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
