can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
