be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
