From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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