I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
