even my farts smell like vagina
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
