Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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