No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
