matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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