there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This baby is an asshole
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
