I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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