It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Found your dick twin last night
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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