You're completely useless in the revolution.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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