yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
